OH LAWDS IS I IN HEAVEN UPDATE

don't pull a jake and freak on me here, i'm just surrounding my story in squiggly sideways words to act as a ~shield~ to protect myself from outside sources who just don't understand. i think the only person who can save me is the dramallama herself. and then came the finale of breaking dawn, wherein i hit the brick wall like a crash test dummy at a car plant that's no longer in service because this economy sucks so really, stop hoarding your shiny vampire money and give something to charity or whatever because you're a twit and i hate your books and there are people who need houses and things like that.ДЄNYWAY, i just.words have failed me. have you no shame? no honor? no thesaurus? the only way i could stand to read these things was to pirate the audiobook format and listen to them at work so that i was at least getting *paid* to have my brain systematically siphoned out of my head, bit by squishy bit. nevermind the fact that you hoodwinked me and i gave you the best weeks of my life slaving through these books for you, it shall be NO MORE.

what i'm trying to say is you are a hoor and you totally don't care about my opinion because you have made eleventy billion dollars off your sparkly franchise, but i've got news for you, lady: i am not enthralled. by which i mean every single tweenage to thirty-something woman in as many countries as is allowable has gobbled your goods and demanded more and you've primped and preened on your throne, typos, flimsy characters and plot holes be damned. i mean if the library bookshelves were a town, you would totally be its bicycle. sure, i came into this relationship knowing you've been around and i didn't matter at all in the grand scheme of your literary hobaggin'. look and listen, you cerebellum-crushing trollop, for i have had it up to HERE with you, and i'm 5'10' so that's a lot of here to have. now i present, chock-full-o-spoilers but at this point i really hope you don't have any vested interest in the plot:Д« reviews 'breaking dawn,' wherein she wishes said dawn would break stephenie meyer's legs or something to make her just shut up shut up shut UPДЄlright stephenie meyer, sack up.

anyhoo, it comes to mind that i never fully shared my thoughts with all two or three of you about the final brain-hemorrhaging brick-of-a-book in the twilight series, because what fun is slogging through the first three if i'm not going to explode with written word-induced agony in the finale? and so i will.

OH LAWDS IS I IN HEAVEN UPDATE

i know i said i was going to update this thing more often but honestly that's your own damn fault if you believed me.

Oh lawds is i in heaven